I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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