Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to sanitize my soul.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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