he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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