Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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