No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize