and you said cock pushups were impossible
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
