Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
