So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
