Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
