ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
