i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
