I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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