respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
