My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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