I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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