just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
