I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
