I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
