Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
