question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
