fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
