i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
