she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
