I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
