his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
