I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
