I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
