Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
