yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
