Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
