Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
