Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sext me about skeletons
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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