Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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