Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
