Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Blood and glitter go together right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
