I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
