I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
