have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
