haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I AM VODKA MAN
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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