How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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