He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
