Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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