with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
