I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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