he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
