she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize