this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
