Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
