This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
