Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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