I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
