did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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