It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
