PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
