the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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