yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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