everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
