ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
