Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
