How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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