You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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