so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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