I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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