I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You've changed since you got that strap on
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
