We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
