fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
