i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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