It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
