I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
