i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
