is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize