Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
