I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
