the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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