so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
