And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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