At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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