Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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