How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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