I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
