how can u be prego again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
