he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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